Cupboard for naughty children close-up

Cupboard for naughty children close-up
Originally uploaded by Laurie treasures.

As most of you will know, I’m not a mother, nor am I ever likely to be (expect perhaps a step mother – a role I’m kind of enjoying even if it is in an ‘unofficial’ capacity at the moment) – so I don’t make any claims to know about children or much about how to look after them.

But one thing I do know is that toddlers are inquisitive and into everything. So when I saw a young girl (yes, she was very young) park her child next to a big rack of greetings cards in the Post Office, it seem obvious to me what was likely to happen.

Within minutes there were cards being plucked from their shelf and flung on the floor.

What I guess I wasn’t expecting was the girls reaction when she’d finally stopped arguing with her boyfriend/husband, and notice what her child was up to.

‘NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YER BUGGER!’, she screeched at the poor child and slapped him!

I guess this comes back to a discussion that I’ve had with a number of people over the past couple of months, the fact that many young intelligent professionals (on a good day I include myself in this category) are choosing not to have children.

This is for a number of reasons; lack of funds, focusing on career, left it too late, not the maternal type, environmental concerns……

But it poses a real concern, if the more intelligent, university educated people across the country are not having children, the people who are left to supply the next generation are…..shall we say not the ideal people.

In twenty or thirty years time I hate to think what a state the country will be in – ‘Prime Minster Britney’?

Yorkshiremen….

I’ve always found jokes about the differences between ‘north’ and ’south’ really amusing (I know, I’ve got a sad sense of humour!), but having a Yorkshireman for a partner, and knowing my brother’s dislike of the north (dark, dank and dreary – or so he claims) this one really tickled me (especially since Richard’s girlfriend sent it to me!)

Two London businessmen were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store.

As yet, the store wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, “I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we’re selling.”

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough,
a curious Yorkshireman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Yorkshire accent asked “What’s tha sellin’ ere?”

One of the men replied sarcastically, “We’re selling arse-holes.”

Without skipping a beat, the Yorkshireman said, “Tha’s doing well … Tha’s ony two left!”
The moral for Southerners – Don’t mess with Yorkshiremen!

This will come in handy

I have purchased a fake grin
Originally uploaded by Vimrod1.

So, I went back to work – that was okay. Then I went into the office – big mistake!

I don’t want to tar everyone with the same brush but sometimes I think that parts of the organisation couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery.

Let’s just say, they haven’t handled the whole ‘depression’ ‘going back to work’ thing very well.

I got on the train feeling completely depressed and suicidal (it only lasted a few hours thank bob) – I’ll not be braving the office again for a while but if I do I’ll be taking my fake grin ;o)

Bejesus

Jesus in jeans
Originally uploaded by Ms. Moll.

I love the word ‘bejesus’, it’s great! Don’t ask me why, it just pleases me!

Anyway, with the earthquake last night I’ve had the occasion to use the word a few times today – ‘the earthquake scared the bejesus out of me’.

I thought I’d better look it up and make sure that I was using it in the correct context, so I consulted the tome of knowledge that is The Free Dictionary and it had this to say -

be·je·sus (b-jzs, -j-)
n. Slang
Used as an intensive: The bear scared the bejesus out of us.
[Alteration of by Jesus.]

So, I was right. Go check out the entry (link above) and you can hear some American guy say it out loud! Whilst you are at it, look up and listen to the word ‘discombobulate’, another favourite word of mine!

The earth moved – couldn’t think of a more original title!

Well, I’ve lived through my first earthquake – and yes, it did wake me up! In fact it scared the hell out of me – everything in my bedroom shook, I originally thought it was a very strong gust of wind (my house is on a rather exposed hill). After going round the house checking I got back into bed and checked the internet, since it was only about 5 minutes after the quake (which happened just before 1am) the only thing I found was the funny parody below. Finding it again this morning took some doing with every website and forum in the UK discussing the ‘event’.

A major earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale hit Sheffield in the early hours of Wednesday 15th October 2003. The epicentre was the Manor. Casualties were seen wandering aimlessly saying “bang out of order”, “mental” and “that did my head in”.

The earthquake decimated the area causing in excess of £17.55 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of momentos from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair. Three preserved areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.

The Star reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered. They are still trying to come to terms with the fact that the damage and destruction was caused by something else instead of them.

One resident Tracey Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of four said “it was such a shock, little Chardonnay-Leigh came running through the cardboard door into my bedroom crying. My youngest two,Tyler-Brooklyn and Kai-Keanu slept through it all. My hands were shaking so much I could hardly shoot up when I was watching Trisha the next morning.

Another local resident known as ‘Mally’ said that the earthquake would not stop him going to work, after all, the T.W.O.C’ing, burglaries and graffiti would not do themselves.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Dukes, Bone China from Poundstretcher and a number of Argos catalogues.

How can you help? This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Most needed are Kappa or other tracksuits (his and hers), white socks to tuck the tracksuit bottoms into, Burberry caps, woolly ‘Benny’ hats and Reebok trainers. Primark clothing is most welcome.

Food parcels are also needed. They should include McCains Micro-chips, Aldi beans, Monster munch crisps, Nuttella chocolate spread and Iceland pizzas. Alcohol is also in short supply, mainly Lambrini, White Lightning cider and Carlsberg Special Brew. Cash donations are also needed, 22p buys a Bic Biro for signing on purposes, £1.50 buys cheese and chips and £26 buys 200 Regal from ‘Tommo’ who has just got back from Kavos.

Project Management

Project Management
Originally uploaded by Cappellmeister.

It was intense, and probably not the ideal way to return to work after a long period off, but it was surprisingly interesting and enjoyable. I’ve just completed the three day PRINCE2, Projects in Controlled Environments course.

Three tough days of instruction on how to set up and manage projects successfully ended with a 75 multiple choice question exam – in which we had to get over 50% to pass (I managed it!)

So, I can now put it on my CV when I start applying for a new job. Last week, the day after Dad’s funeral, I was told that the funding had been cut and I am being made redundant, with six months notice from the end of March.

There will probably be two posts, so hopefully I will get one of those; if not I’ll be out of a job at the end of September (with a reasonable redundancy package).

I guess the hope is that I’ll find something else within the organisation, I’m on the ‘at risk list’ which means that I have to be considered for anything that comes up that I’m qualified to do. If not, maybe I’ll do what I’ve been talking about for years, and go and get a degree in photography?!

Never letting go

This is a text exchange that John and I had when I was down in Gloucestershire last month. It makes me smile, and realise how lucky we are to have each other.

S – I miss you and need a hug

J – you certainly deserve a hug

S – I might never want to let go of you

J – I don’t think I want you to let go

S – Ok, let’s never let go of each other, ever

J – we won’t let go, we’ll need a lot of room service

for valentines

Originally uploaded by omnia.

To John,
Thank you.
with all my love, Sx

Wedding

Working with John as a wedding photographer means that I see hundreds of wedding photos and have put together a number of wedding albums for clients – but this one was very different and very special.

It’s funny but I’ve been handling these photos for a couple of months; making selections, putting them in order, scanning and reprinting those that needed it; and it’s been no different to the others that I’ve done.

But this evening John and I finally put the album together, and it suddenly became very real for me that the two main subjects (and many of the others) are no longer here with us.

For this is an album is of my parent’s wedding in March 1969. For some reason they never got the photos put into an album, and they have just sat in a box in the attic for nearly 40 years.

So, now they are presented as they should have been, and I have a lasting record of a special time in my parent’s life (and a wedding album – as it seems unlikely I’ll have one of my own!).

Tomorrow we will bury Dad, but that’s a whole other blog entry – when I’m feeling up to it.

The heaviest element

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element known to science. Its existence was proved during the hurricane, gasoline and other issues of the last year or two.

The new element has been named *Governmentium*. Governmentium (Gv) Has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called mo-rons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pe-ons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take over four days to
complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years. It does not decay, however, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more mo-rons to become neutrons, forming iso-dopes. This characteristic of mo-ron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever mo-rons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium – an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since though it has only half as many peons it has twice as many mo-rons.

This element is found in abundance in Canada, in particular about once every 4 years!